Here are some humorous grammar rules to keep in mind when attempting to write using Engerlish:
Steven P. Wickstrom
- Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
- And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
- Always avoid annoying alliteration.
- Be more or less specific.
- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
- Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
- No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
- Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
- Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it really is very highly superfluous.
- One should never generalize.
- Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
- Don't use no double negatives.
- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Analogies in writing is like water off the back of a duck.
- The passive voice is to be ignored.
- Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
- Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
- Kill all exclamation points!!!!
- Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
- Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth-shattering ideas.
- Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
- As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
- If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
- Puns are not for children, they are intended for groan readers.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
- The spell chequer is knot always write.
Have a question or comment about the humorous “grammar rules?”
Touch the button below to send Steven P. Wickstrom an e-mail: